Stubborn

this.girl. 

Seriously the most stubborn human being I have EVER met. I almost posted this… 

…with the caption “this is NOT my favorite child this morning” #stubborn #nonverbal #battleofwills” 

The battle of wills is what made me stop and think and work backwards to identify what could have possibly set this off… 

The refusal to eat breakfast was made abundantly clear by the astute timing and placement of her banana for me to find upon reentering the car after signing them in 30 minutes late. 

The refusal to wear a long-sleeved shirt and/or jacket when it was 48 degrees outside and standing outside in her pajamas for 10 minutes to show she wasn’t cold. 

The refusal to move unless I manually manipulated her body. 

The refusal to move from off of the floor for 1 hour. 

The refusal to speak. The entire morning. 

The refusal to look at pictures on my phone that her dad had sent of his vacation, while we were all crowded in my bed trying to keep warm. She turned the other way. 

Her indignation that she was accused of bending her brother’s finger backward. Competing with her brother for space in my bed trying to get warm under the covers. 

I finally figured it out. Along with some personal reflection and deeper insight. 

In the midst of the injustice of being accused of doing something she hadn’t done (or at least on purpose), her feelings were hurt and she shut down. She refused to look at the pictures, so I showed her siblings and then told them all to hop out of bed and get ready for school. As she was ever-so-slowly walking away, she quietly muttered to herself (or maybe just audible enough for me to hear-she’s deliberate like that), “I didn’t get to see the pictures”. I paused to let that sink in for her and she continued to inch toward the door. 

I thought that this would be a poignant moment to illustrate what her stubbornness resulted in. A missed opportunity. It was unfortunate. She lost out. And I told her so. 

A few minutes later, I found her curled up on the floor, silent and strong. 

I didn’t get angry; I just let it go and we carried on. Until I looked at the clock and saw that school had started. Her brother was quietly reading oblivious to what was going on, and her sister was caught between onlooker and peacemaker. Gabriela tried to talk to Ema, bless her, but to no avail. That is when I let it get to me. It had been one whole hour. Couldn’t she see she was going to be late?? Did she not understand that she was making her siblings late to school as well?? She was being selfish by making us all bend to her will and setting off a chain reaction of lateness! On a normal day we are off to work after dropping the kids off at school; she was lucky I was going in later today. 

After walking her downstairs and putting her backpack on her (still in pajamas), I made her put on whatever shoes were by the door (sandals) and wait next to the car exposed to 48 degrees for 10 minutes to inspire her to want a jacket (the siblings were already seat-belted in). I went to grab my wallet and tidied up the house a bit to give her some time. When enough time had passed, I came out to the garage and said, “hop in”. She let a single tear roll down her face and said that she didn’t want to go to school in her pajamas. Phew. I secretly worried they’d call me to come get her because she was in thin pajamas and it was only 48 degrees outside (or worse). 

I told her to hurry upstairs and after a couple of minutes of hearing nothing, I went up and found her sitting there staring at her clothes that Gabriela has so carefully picked out for her during her one-sided “talk”. ARGH. I told her if she didn’t get dressed herself, I would do it for her and it wouldn’t be pleasant. She got dressed, albeit so slowly. I felt I finally had one small “win”. 

While signing them in at school, the kids took turns grabbing their late passes and then I got two kisses goodbye. I looked up to find Ema and saw her already leaving the office. Without a kiss or a word. Fine. Be that way. 

When I got back in the car and saw that the banana was placed on the console exactly where I place my phone, I thought, “ug! this kid is hard core!” 

On the drive home I thought about this girl’s stubbornness, and how it’s in her DNA, proved over and over again since birth. And while it’s infuriatingly maddening, I know this can be a strength and quality that I want her to utilize and develop. How can I turn this around and see it as positive?? 

This question led my thoughts to how I could change, not her. 

Ah, me not her. I knew this. How could I forget? It’s about me and my parenting. The offense wasn’t her refusal to see the pictures, it was me not hearing her side of the story when her brother was crying because his finger was bent backward. The offense was compounded by the fact that I was unwilling to show the pictures to her and show compassion. 

I have found, in my life, that I have been an “all or nothing” kind of person. 

In my relationship with my husband. 

When I switched to eating plant-based. 

When I start exercising. 

When I clean the house. 

When I measure my worth as a mother and as a person. 

In my relationship with God. 

This, and many other events, led to a near breakdown a few years ago. While I have made great strides in changing my thoughts, self, and relationship with God, I failed to apply my new tools this morning and defaulted to the old/”easy” way. 

I have come to learn what unconditional love truly means. I can tell you it’s not battling out wills with a toddler or young child. Or anyone for that matter. It truly is stepping outside of yourself and your will, to see the other person and to look behind their wall. Their wall is protecting them. 

I know this. Personally. A time will come when I share my story, but for now this suffices. 

I don’t want my daughter’s message from me to be “I can’t love you/show affection/be kind when you are stubborn/throwing a fit/shutting down”. This was her take away message this morning. This message is garbage. I am better than that and she doesn’t need that in her life. There’s a whole world telling that lie. It is not true. 

My daughter needs me to love her. No.Matter.What. 

I once thought it was a sign of weakness; a parent bending to his/her child’s will. I have to remind myself, that I am not a weak parent because my children don’t do what I ask or what they have been told to do. In fact, it has taken so much strength (both my own and from God) to humble myself enough to find patience and a kind voice at times. It is not weakness to show empathy and love, forgiving and giving second (or third or fourth or fifth…) chances. 

May I ever be as stubborn as my daughter is, in my resolution to be a person who loves unconditionally, and looks beyond the emotional walls.

August

So excited for her 1st day of school!

Gabriela eagerly awaits with friends for school to start (it's about 100 degrees and school opened almost 2 hours late)!

Finally inside her class with air conditioning :)

Family trip to the King Tut exhibit.

Ronan's various antics...

I made crib sheets!

July

Gabriela was holding this candy for a whole 2 minute car ride and when we got home I asked what she did, and she said, "oops, I forgot. I didn't realize I ate everything." She apparently wasn't paying attention and absentmindedly ate through the wrapper, and ate 1 starburst (wrapper and all), and nibbled on the next one! Crazy kid.

We got a few good monsoons this month!! You can see in the background, the trees blowing over and you can't see the sky because it's pure rain. It came in sideways and we had some sweet lightening and thunder. It was awesome! I'm so glad my girls love it as much as I do :)

We went to the temple this month and brought the kids with us. It was a little toasty, but they were good about it and loved seeing all the different kind of flowers and greenery in bloom (sorry no pics of that...you'll have to take my word for it, that it was gorgeous!)

At the end of July, Danny was presenting at a conference in Sedona again. His work was paying him to be there for 4 days, so I decided to go with as an early 15 year anniversary trip! My sister watched the kids and we were kid-free for the first time in 13+ years!! It was so nice to have some down time with just the two of us. Very refreshing and serene.

We hoped to hike every day, but only got out twice. I hope they ask him to go every year :)

Gabriela has been asking to help with my quilts for a long time now, but there's not to much she can do. This was the perfect one for her to help with and she did a fabulous job remembering which pattern goes where!

Ronan is now 16 months and finally started walking!! He has just learned Ring-Around-the-Rosie and loves it. He sings "AAAAA-shes, AAAAA-shes" all day long. Too cute. While the kids are out playing, Gabriela decided to try and teach Ronan how to do somersaults and his head on the ground is all he can do so far :)

June

I found a couple coupons and a good sale, and purchased an underwater camera for the family. It's the Kodak EasyShare Sport, and it's so fun and the kids love it! I've got some video of the little ones swimming...

I took on a big challenge in making a REAL picnic sized quilt (that would fit our whole family) after making that small one last month. I like how it turned out, but this is only the top...it may take a while for me to put together the back and then actually quilt it! yikes.

Here is just a cute picture of Ronan chillin', playing with Danny's phone :)

I'm finally getting vegetables! Although, they are SO small (that's Danny's wedding ring & then a quarter in the other picture for comparison). They are mini red & mini orange bell peppers, but they are so mini. Also there are yellow pear tomatoes in that bunch. They taste good, nonetheless.

Ronan did not have a very good start to his day turning 15 months. We were getting ready for church (I'll spare you the long story, who was where, and whatnot) and just say that he pulled the flat iron down on his foot. We took him to urgent care and while the doctors and nurses were great, he's so shy that he just screamed/cried for a solid hour. The gave him some hydrocodone and sent us home with bandages, wraps, & ointments.

We got to the pharmacy and you could tell the medicine had kicked in. He looked up at the ceiling and said "ball", then looked around, smiled, giggled, and said "ball" again. I think he might have been hallucinating :) He had an otter pop in his hand, and when he finished it, I took it out of his hand and that's when I noticed that his hand was burned as well! We had all missed it. I called them back and they said just to do the same for his hand as his foot. We got some awesome cream that did wonders for his burns. We are so grateful that he kept his glove and sock on for the next 2 weeks!

May

In May I found a book & an online tutorial showing easy summer dresses, so I thought I'd give it a try. The word "shirring" made me put it off for months, but after I did it, I realized I had nothing to be scared of! It was super easy, so fast, and so cute! My girls ♥ them. I even made one for their cousin because we like matchy-matchy ;)

Ronan continues to climb and get into anything and everything he can. I'm exhausted.

I flew up to SLC for Quilt Market Spring 2011; then stayed with my sister, Cajsa; then my parents came up a week later w/Ronan for my cousin's wedding. It was a wonderful 10 day vacation by myself!! Quilt Market was awesome. Being at Cajsa's where I had 3 days where I didn't have ANYTHING to do was awesome! Going to Manti for my cousin's wedding and seeing my baby again was awesome. It was a great vacation and a much needed one at that!

We went to a children's museum with Cajsa & Adison, and my parents. I was really impressed with this place and so was Ronan! Everything kept his interest and I was ready to go before he ever was. It had little replicas of a school house, a teepee, a Chinese house, the Oval office (he wasn't impressed), a fire truck, a nursery/hospital, giant chess game, fishing, a royal court, and so much more!

It makes me want to try my hand at boy dress up clothes. All we have right now are a bunch of tutus :)

On our last day, we headed to my Aunt & Uncle's house in Pleasant Grove and had a delicious Peruvian dinner! My cousin's kids were there and they had fun playing with Adison & Ronan. (I really miss grass)

Time to fly home & I had to lug Ronan (who still isn't walking yet, but took his first steps during the vacation!), a suitcase, his car seat, my camera bag, & diaper bag around with me. I missed the $5 carts and so I walked all the way to the gate carrying all of these things by myself. I looked like a mess. It was a mess. I had to stop every 25 feet to catch my breath!! Right as I got to the gate, a kind employee offered this wheelchair to walk through the terminal and to the outside gates. Yay! We made it in enough time and Ronan loved the ride.

Ronan is now 14 months and so far has take 3-4 steps. He's right on track :) Still getting into trouble (he found markers). And, if you look close, he found a sticker and stuck it to his chest (under his onesie) before he went to bed and I didn't find it until the next morning. I don't think his skin likes stickers :(

April

Brendan & Isabel turned 13 & 11, in the beginning of April, and we had a big family gathering. Bren got to go on a scout camp-out for his birthday, so we celebrated when he got back, on Isa's birthday. So fun for him :) It was a little weird saying that I had a kid in junior high, but it's even way weirder saying that I have a teenager! Thankfully Bren's a pretty chill kid. Let's hope that lasts. If not, we know a good group home we can send him to! Just kidding.

My sisters borrowed my camera and caught Emalyn sneaking some popcorn in the other room. How cute is she?!

It was finally time to cut Ronan's hair and Cajsa helped me with it. I forget how much a haircut makes my babies grow up! What a handsome toddler.

Some of the things Ronan continues to get into. This crazy kid does not like his toys. At all. Instead he likes emptying contents of drawers, cabinets, and boxes. We were cleaning out our DVD collection and our VHS box (do they even make these anymore?) because none of the movies match their cases. The other picture shows our daily battle. He pulls out all the lotions, hair supplies, toiletries, flat irons, brushes, etc, and plays with them all on the ground. Emalyn decided to make him look cute like a lion and stuck her tutu on him. Nice.

Here are a couple of projects that I did in April: a hooded towel & matching burp cloths, carseat cover, and then a small picnic quilt. I'm so excited that they turned out so cute!

Danny's parent's pool was finally warm enough to swim in, and Ronan took to the water quite well. Ema was pretty nervous, so she only played on the step the whole time. We'll work on it...

Thanks to my mom, the kids were able to dye eggs for Easter. I totally forgot and didn't have any supplies on hand. The kids had fun and loved eating their creations!

Ronan is now 13 months and is standing up more, although, still not interested in walking. I don't really mind, but my back does :)

I haven't gardened here in AZ yet, and I finally decided to give it a try. Since we're renting, I figured plants in pots are my best option for now. So far things are going well and I'm getting some produce!

March

I made this quilt using the New Wave Quilt tutorial from Oh, Fransson! I used all solids for the front, and remaining scraps with a coordinating print, all from Melanie's shop. I love the way it turned out!!

Ronan LOVES to climb. We found him scaling my parent's pantry in search for food (I swear I feed him). And following ever so closely to his wild & crazy sister, his favorite thing to climb is dressers. He does get on top, especially his.

Emalyn's eyes are changing. They used to be a beautiful blue, then they turned grey and they were still gorgeous. Now they are almost a green, with flecks of brown in one eye. I'm not saying they aren't beautiful anymore, because they are amazing with all the ranges they have been, but I do miss those blue eyes!

Ronan turned 1 this month! I can't believe I now have a toddler instead of a baby :( The fact that he's not walking yet is totally ok with me. He loves to play outdoors, and can do so for hours.

We celebrated with Danny's family and Ronan got money for his bank account, a popsicle, and a couple (non-noisy) toys...thanks Sean!

Next we celebrated with my family and he didn't quite know what to do with the candle or his cake! He had fun poking at it, so we fed him a couple pieces and he ate it, but he wasn't super excited. He had more fun making a mess of it, which is so fine with me! :)

Here Ronan is sporting his band-aids from his 1 yr shots. He's smiling here, but mostly he's fussy after shots. I hate that part. Holding him down in the doctor's office and looking at you like, "what's going on?" and then feeling the pain, crying, and looking at you like "why are you doing this to me & why aren't you holding me?!" Only a couple more and then we're done for a long while...